Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He passed out mid-signature
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
