woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
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I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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