Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
