I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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