found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
