I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
