How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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