Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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