miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
