Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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