how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
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He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
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I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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