Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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