hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
