Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
