HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You are the jesus of drinking
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
