I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
