her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
