i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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