none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
