Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
