she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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