My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
