Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I love having hate sex.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
