Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We have started to decorate penises.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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