Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
