I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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