I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
