i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
