Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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