I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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