I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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