She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
