before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
