would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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