Swine flu. Run for my life!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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