I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
