It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
