We got so high we made milksteak
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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