Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
