the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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