using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
