I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
