You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My ass is underappreciated
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
