Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
