Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
