That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
