I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
