I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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