I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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