This is not my ceiling
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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