He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
