dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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