How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
