OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
