well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
