We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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