Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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