Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize