so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
