im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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