Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
