Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
