I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
