butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
