Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it's like heaven, but drunker
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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