We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
