My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
