The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize