Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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