I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
